Monday, April 30, 2012

Team Ugly

Moronic Monday to you all, my little gingersnaps!  We are back, safe and sound from Yosemite.  We made it back in record time despite one kid vomiting during the windy roads, traffic from an accident, a police stop and stopping for lunch.  Ahhhh.... parenthood. 

Also glad to be back with normal internet access.  The "wi-fi" at the rental house was curiously similar to the speed of the dial-up modem we got at the guest house in Ethiopia in 2006.  #notkidding

In the news, in England, a man dumped his dentist girlfriend and then scheduled an appointment with her to work on his teeth when he was having a toothache.  So in revenge for dumping him, while he was under, she removed all of his 32 teeth. 

I'm shocked and dismayed... there are dentists in England?

Dentist Pulls All Ex's Teeth Out; Anna Mackowiak Faces Jail Time

The Huffington Post  |  By  

Pulled Teeth
Marek Olszewski (not pictured) got all his teeth pulled by his dentist ex-girlfriend, whom he'd just dumped.
Breaking up is never easy -- having 32 teeth ripped out is even worse.
A scorned dentist is facing jail time after surgically removing all of her ex-boyfriend's teeth after he dumped her, authorities in London said.
Marek Olszewski, 45, made the mistake of scheduling an appointment this week with his ex -- 34-year-old Anna Mackowiak -- for a toothache, according to the Daily Mail.
So Mackowiak allegedly did what any burned beau with a set of pliers and some anesthetic would do: she doped him up, pulled out all his teeth, and wrapped his head with bandages so he wouldn't notice until he left her office.
"I tried to be professional and detach myself from my emotions," she told the news site. "But when I saw him lying there I just thought, 'What a b-----d.'"
Olszewski could tell something was wrong when he awoke and couldn't feel any teeth in his mouth. But he said Mackowiak assured him that he'd be fine once the numbness wore off, NDTV reported.
"I didn't have any reason to doubt her -- I mean I thought she was a professional," he said.
He was wrong.
"But when I got home I looked in the mirror and I couldn't f--king believe it," he said. "The b--ch had emptied my mouth."
Worse, Olszewski's new girlfriend dumped him because, well, she couldn't date a man without any teeth, the Daily Telegraph reported.
Mackowiak is under investigation for medical malpractice and abusing the trust of a patient. She could face three years in jail for the alleged stunt. Olszewski plans on saving money to get "indents or something."

Vanessa Hudgens wrote on her blog that 'Coachella (the music festival) Blew My Head Off!".  It's a good thing she wasn't hanging out with Patrick Schwarzenegger or she might have said Coachella literally blew her head off. 

Vanessa Hudgens: 'Coachella Blew My Head Off!'

Vanessa Hudgens: 'Coachella Blew My Head Off!' 
Vanessa Hudgens smiles while leaving Studio City Cafe with her younger sister, Stella, on Thursday (April 26) in Studio City, Calif.
“Omg coachella blew my head off this year lol,” the 23-year-old actress recently wrote on her blog.
“[F]rom being apart of everyone singing ‘somebody that I used to know’ by gotye, hearing Andrew Bird for the first time (now my fave) to seeing Florence [Welch] dance and sing like a true fairy. So magical. Can’t wait again for next year!!!” Vanessa added.
Source: JustJared

In other celebrity news, when the world knows you are 19 years old (and therefore under the drinking age), it might not be good to be caught by the poprocksies with some freshly bought alcohol from the grocery store.  Ruh Roh.  Ralph's Grocery Store (where I shop) has some 'splainin' to do. 

'Hunger Games' Star Tricks Grocery Store Into Selling Him Whiskey

Josh Hutcherson took a not-so-cheap shot at a Ralphs Grocery store

19-year-old "Hunger Games" star Josh Hutcherson took a not-so-cheap shot at a Ralph's Grocery store -- he posed as over 21 and got the check out clerk to sell him an expensive bottle of whiskey.

We got this pic of Josh leaving the Ralph's in Sherman Oaks on April 18 with a bottle of Macallan whisky in hand -- which, by the way, goes for $170.

A source tells TMZ ... Josh used a fake ID to score the bottle.

It's interesting ... a few weeks ago we got Josh on camera, grousing, "I think the age to go to war is 18 ... so I think the drinking age should be 18 as well."

A spokesperson for Ralphs tells TMZ, "We strictly enforce all laws relating to the sale of alcohol to minors.  We will investigate these allegations and take any steps necessary."

Josh could be prosecuted and the maximum punishment is 6 months in jail, although in reality he'd spend no time behind bars.  Authorities could also go after Ralph's for selling to a minor.
Source: TMZ

And now, for today's FAIL...  I'm not saying the tattoo artist isn't talented.  I just never imagined a world where Wolverine was riding a My Little Pony.  And I'm not sure I want to.

epic fail photos - Match Made in Heaven
see more epicfails

And today's (college healthcare) WIN!  There's not much that duct tape and otter pops can't fix. 

epic fail photos - There I Fixed It: Healthcare Level: College Student
see more epicfails

Hey, WTF?!!  There is so much to say here... where to begin?  Is there a wide market (pun intended) for Team Jacob and Team Edward formal dresses in sizes 20-22?  And why are they light-up?  Anyone else think the Jacob dress is a little confusing?  Is he from District 12?  Why is he on fire?  And what are the odds that someone in a size 20-22 also fits in the matching size 10 shoes?

Source: Regretsy

And that's all the time I have for today.  So... which dress would you choose? Sadly Thankfully neither red nor pink look good on gingers, so I'm going to have to go with "neither".  And until tomorrow, watch out for bear-sized beavers...

Beavers used to be the size of BEARS!

Castoroides, also known as the Giant Beaver, existed during the Pleistocene in North America. They grew up to 8 feet tall and weighed between 130-220 pounds, making them the size of a black bear.
It’s unknown whether their feet were webbed and if they had a tail like the modern beaver since the soft tissue has decayed. The incisors of the Giant Beaver were 5.9 inches long. Their teeth structure was much different than the modern beaver, though. Modern day beavers have teeth that look like chisels that are good for gnawing on wood. Giant beaver teeth were bigger and broader.
The oldest fossils found are about 1.4 million years old, and scientists estimate that the beaver went extinct about 10,000 years ago, at the same time other large North American species like mastodons and mammoths also went extinct. Although it’s likely that humans had something to do with their extinction, there is no evidence of humans hunting giant beavers.



  1. Best post ever. i laughed. I laughed some more. Then I promptly sent this link to all my Twi-loving girlfriends and said we needed this dress, dammit!

  2. OMG! That dress... I. have. no. words #thaticanuseonafamilyblog

    ~ Spank