Wrinkly Wednesday to you all, my little gingersnaps. In the news, a Taliban official turned himself in when he saw there was a $100 price on his head, but he was hoping to collect the $100 himself. He walked up to the military check-point, pointed at his wanted poster and told the police the person on the wanted poster was him... then wanted the $100 finder fee. Sadly, he did not get the $100 but instead was arrested. I think if he is that dumb, they should've let him go so he could continue to contribute his intelligence to the Taliban, but that's me.
Mohammad Ashan: Dumbest Terrorist Ever?
If Osama bin Laden is remembered as the most dangerous terrorist ever, then Mohammad Ashan may be remembered as the dumbest.
Ashan, a mid-level Taliban commander in east Afghanistan, walked up to a police checkpoint last week, pointed to the wanted poster featuring his face, and asked for the $100 finder's fee noted on the poster, according to Newser.
Ashan is suspected of plotting attacks on Afghan security forces, so the fact that he turned himself in shocked Specialist Matthew Baker.
"We asked him, 'Is this you?'" Baker told the Washington Post. "Mohammad Ashan answered with an incredible amount of enthusiasm, 'Yes, yes, that’s me! Can I get my award now?'"
It didn't work out as he expected: Instead of receiving the money, New York magazine reports that the soldiers arrested him instead.
Even worse, they are making him the butt of jokes, such as the official who called Ashan "the Taliban equivalent of the 'Home Alone' burglars,” while another simply told the Washington Post, "Clearly, this man is an imbecile."
Since it seemed improbable that a man could be as stupid as Ashan, officials took a biometric scan and were amazed to discover the man in custody was actually the alleged terrorist himself, Newser reported.
In political news, Newt Gingrich, while on his campaign trail, took a private tour of the St. Louis Zoo on Friday, when he was bitten by the penguin. Gingrich, a self-professed animal lover has often leveraged that aspect of himself by launching a website called "Pets With Newt 2012". I'm guessing the penguin won't make it in the website.
I wonder if the penguin is okay. It should probably be checked for rabies.
Newt Gingrich Gets Bitten by a Penguin
Win McNamee/Getty; Courtesy St. Louis Zoo
The candidate for the Republican presidential nomination sustained a small injury during a visit to the St. Louis Zoo on Friday, where he was getting a two-hour private tour. A Magellanic penguin nipped Gingrich's finger, but the injury only required a Band-Aid, according to the zoo.
Gingrich, a self-professed animal lover, has frequently leveraged that aspect of himself, even launching a campaign website called Pets with Newt 2012.
But it seems even pets and their friends can't get Gingrich to the top of the presidential heap; the former Speaker has been facing calls to drop out of the race, and referred to himself as an underdog after the penguin incident.
Update: According to the zoo, the penguin is doing fine.
In an unaired clip of "Khloe and Lamar", Kim Kardashian announces she is going to run for mayor of Glendale. I'm fairly certain the only requirement for the mayor of Glendale is that you must be Armenian. For those not living in Los Angeles, the population of Armenians living in Glendale is second only to Armenians living in Armenia. I wonder if she will make changes to Glendale, like offering discounts for residents on hair removal.
Kim Kardashian Considers Running for Mayor of Glendale, California
Kim Kardashian conquered reality TV, but does she have what it takes to run a city?
The 31-year-old E! star ponders a potential political career in an unaired clip from Khloe and Lamar (obtained by Radar Online). "I decided I'm going to run for the mayor of Glendale," she tells her little sister Khloe Kardashian-Odom, 27.
And now, for today's FAIL... I'm not really sure I want to lay my head on that.
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And today's WIN!! Except doesn't that mean you keep putting money in the machine only to have it drop the lobster at the last minute, and you never actually win one?
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Hey, WTF?!! Well I suppose some guys need support for their man-boobs (Moobs). I wonder if Simon Cowell has one.
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And that's all the time I have for today. Suddenly I'm no longer interested in eating graham crackers. Until tomorrow then...
A New Jersey Presbyterian minister called Sylvester Graham developed the graham cracker in 1829. While the crackers are often used to make s’mores and pie nowadays, they were initially developed for an entirely different use.
Marketed as “Dr. Graham’s Honey Buckets,” the sweet crackers were supposed to be a health food that would suppress unhealthy “carnal urges.” Graham believed that if he could get people to eat bland foods it would curb their sexual appetite, in turn making them a better person.
While this theory did not exactly turn out to be true, another man, John Harvey Kellogg, also shared his idea. He went on to invent corn flakes cereal. Both the crackers and the cereal caught on and became some of the best selling foods in America, so they must have done something right!