Tainted Tuesday to you all, my little gingersnaps. I am indeed blogging from the Hawaiian Islands. (well actually just one of them) We had a lovely (not really) 5 and 1/2 hour flight but arrived safely. Rest assured one of my children will be drugged with benadryl prior to boarding our return flight.
Then we arrived at our hotel (Waikiki Sheraton) only to find that the rooms we booked TWO DAYS EARLIER were not available. So instead of a room with a King bed connected to a room with two double beds, they were giving us two connecting rooms with double beds in each. Oh yeah, Mr. G... let's cozy up in our double bed! They were content to leave us with a "so sorry, there's nothing we can do" until we threatened to give them our children (not really), but we did keep complaining. And they kept saying there was nothing they could do. So we complained some more. And guess what? Tomorrow they will have our room combo available. Soooo... tonight we sleep in a double bed. Then check out of our rooms tomorrow morning, then check back into the hotel in the afternoon and move to our new rooms. And for our trouble? $100 room credit. Oh and they accidentally keyed both cards to the same room, so we had to go back down and have them fix it, which they did without an apology. So far Sheraton, you suck. At least we have oceanfront rooms. Does it sound like I'm complaining? Probably because I am.
But we do get to drive around with our sweet rental car. Don't think I won't be trolling the island looking for sightings of Magnum P.I. and Benjamin Linus. I like it here in my world.
It apparently didn't stop him from trying his hand at alchemy though because he went ahead and placed his poo on his apartment heater, which started a fire, causing $4800 in damages and landed him in jail.
Moral of the story: Don't try to turn poo into gold. Also, don't practice magic in Camelot under the reign of Uther Pendragon.
Paul Moran, Northern Ireland Man, Tries To Turn Feces Into Gold, Ends Up In Jail
The plan was to s!@# bricks -- gold bricks.
Paul Moran hatched a scheme to get rich quick by turning his own feces into gold, according to authorities in Northern Ireland. But like King Midas himself, Moran might have flushed his life down the drain in pursuit of his golden dreams.
Moran's attempts at alchemy crossed the line into arson when he set his apartment on fire after placing his feces on an electric heater, according to The Belfast Telegraph.
The 30-year-old resident of the town of Enniskillen reportedly caused nearly $4,800 in damages to his home.
Moran was charged with arson and endangering the lives of others. He was sentenced to three months in jail followed by one year on supervised release.
"Rather bizarrely you were attempting to make gold from human feces and waste products," the judge stated, according to The Belfast Telegraph. "It was an interesting experiment to fulfill the alchemist's dream, but wasn't going to succeed."
Moran's lawyer reportedly stated that his client is a smart man who has suffered from a drug problem.
In celebrity news, oh lookie here... guess who else is in Hawaii right now? Dennis MF Quaid!!
Do I think it's a coincidence that we are both in Hawaii at the same time? No of course not. Just like it wasn't a coincidence that we were both at Lucky Strike Bowling Lane in Hollywood that fateful night where I got food poisoning from drinking 6 lemon drops (or was it 7?). Yeah that food poisoning was awful. I barely remember the night and was puking my guts out the entire next day. Never ever trust a lemon drop. No matter how tasty they look. They will probably contain food poisoning, especially after the 5th one. The memories are hazy, so I have to rely on Spank to fill me in on all those details I don't remember due to the lemon drop food poisoning.
In other celebrity news, Robert Pattinson reveals his insecurities and states that he's a very paranoid person. Oh really? Paranoid, like in having your own security team troll the interwebs to see if anyone took a ninja pic of you drinking coffee, so you can complain to Summit and try to get that person fired? Yeah, I suppose you are right, Robert. I fully agree with you on that.
Robert Pattinson Talks 'Breaking Dawn' Sex Scene Insecurities, Says He's A Very 'Paranoid Person'
Ladies, Robert Pattinson worked hard for those rock-hard abs -- well, and so did the makeup artists and cameramen.
Robert Pattinson recently chatted with Mexican magazine 15a20 about "Breaking Dawn, Pt. 1," and dished in depth about filming the honeymoon scene -- aka the big sex scene. But who would have ever thought that Pattinson had a few bedroom insecurities? After all, it's not easy to share the screen with Taylor Lautner, who buffed up considerably for his role as Jacob in "New Moon."
Turns out that it wasn't so easy for the Brit to muscle up, so he turned to some clever camera techniques to help him look a bit more sculpted. Lesson learned: When in doubt, suck it in!
"You also have to worry about how you're going to look," Pattinson told the magazine. "I had never been so worried about that before, but after seeing how much Taylor [Lautner] works out for the movies, I thought, 'Well, everybody is really going to judge me now. I always tried to think about positions where I could tense the muscles, and suck in my belly. I think I just gave the most vain answer I could come up with."
But even with the crafty camera tricks, that didn't stop Pattinson from trying his best to get a six pack. The actor trained intensely for six months, trying to build up a physique that Edward himself would be proud of.
"In this movie, I thought, 'Okay, it's the last one, I'm getting a six pack,' and I tried, but it's very hard," said Pattinson. "I worked out so hard for six months, so after filming the sex scene, the first thing I thought was, 'Time to eat!'"
Pattinson also revealed to the magazine that he's a very "paranoid person" that goes into every job thinking it might be his last. "I feel like if I don't keep making movies, everything will be over quickly and I'll have a mental breakdown."
We think that he probably won't have to worry about that for a few more years.
This woman can bag cakes like nobody's business. Seriously, I just can't stop watching her bag cakes. And I bet you can't either.
And now for today's FAIL. Parents, love your kids, even if someday they approach you and finally tell you what you've already suspected... that they are hispanic.
And now for today's WIN!!! I mean seriously, if I was this person's teacher, I'd give them points for creativity. My kids are so lucky I'm their teacher.
Hey, WTF??!! For the person walking behind this lady, Disneyland was definitely not the happiest place on earth.
see more Poorly Dressed
And that's all the time I have for today. The kids are tucked safely in their beds in the adjoining room and Mr. G is crowding me in our tiny double bed. It's time for me to go. Until tomorrow everyone, there's something you should know... though I doubt it's a surprise to most non-Japanese people. Even the French think Parisians are rude.
Paris is a city held in high regard in films and television. There's a romantic vision of cobbled streets, beautiful women and high culture and art. While this is for the most part true, Paris is also a very busy and active city that does not always resemble the highly stylized vision that is usually put on film.