Remember that article I shared a few days ago about how the world's largest sperm bank is refusing redhead sperm donors? Here is an accomplished writer's response to that article. It is worth the entire read. (Thanks Cap!)
I'm a redhead and my sperm is just as good as yours
Editor's note: Christian Lander is a writer living in Los Angeles. His first book, "Stuff White People Like," is published by Random House. His new book is "Whiter Shades of Pale: The Stuff White People Like, Coast to Coast, from Seattle's Sweaters to Maine's Microbrews. " He blogs at Stuff WhitePeopleLike.
(CNN) -- It came out in news reports this week that Cryos, the world's largest sperm bank, has started to turn down donations from redheads because there is so little demand. As a redheaded man myself, I was concerned at this news -- though it really is no surprise to me. Using the unscientific method of trying to hit on girls during my years in high school and college, I was able to determine that demand for sperm from redheaded men was low.
Still, it seems strange that people would completely disregard all of the good qualities of a potential sperm donor based solely on the color of his hair. This is even more confusing because almost everyone seems to love redheaded women. And it seems that nonredheaded women want to become redheads. I have had countless women over the years tell me how much money they've spent trying to get their hair to my particular color.
And look at all the famous redheads the world loves: Nicole Kidman, Ann Margret, and Christina Hendricks are just a few of the actresses who have inspired thousands of women to dye their hair to try to capture some of the glamour and sex appeal of the redheaded woman. It also seems that it's impossible to run a detective agency without running into at least one double-crossing red-haired woman.
Of course, the same is not true of redheaded men. Our list of sex symbols includes Conan O'Brien, Carrot Top, Shaun White, Louis C.K., and Seth Green. Seen any of these on People Magazine's sexiest man alive lists?
The unavoidable conclusion: It's not the fear of having a redheaded girl that has decimated the demand for ginger sperm, it's the idea of having a redheaded boy.
But why are parents so afraid? It's not that they believe that the child would turn out like some sort of evil little menace, like in the movie "Problem Child" -- a boy who was a redhead, but that's irrelevant. No, it's that they fear their child will be the victim of intense bullying.
Sadly, they're right.
Years of playground torment have only been made worse by a particularly hilarious "South Park" episode where Cartman, tricked into believing he is a ginger, assembles an unholy army of the night to exact revenge on all the non-gingers. Well, yes, the show was actually about gingers rising up as unstoppable force, but we know the message most people took away from it: Gingers are creepy and not to be trusted.
Additionally, when I went to Australia I found out that they call people with red hair "rangers" (prounced like "hangers"), which I was hoping was a term of endearment. Turns out, it's short for orangutan.
So yes, even if you move somewhere else in the world, it remains a near certainty that if you have a redheaded boy, he will be a victim of some sort of bullying at some point.
But wait! This is a drag, but also an opportunity for a kid -- maybe a kid that you, prospective parent, could produce using the sperm-bank-purchased sperm of a red-haired man -- to develop a valuable character trait. When faced with the challenge of a bully, more often than not a redheaded child is forced to develop a wicked and biting sense of humor. Look back at the list of ginger sex symbols: Aside from Shaun White and Carrot Top, they are all brilliant comedians.
Eventually, being a redhead on the playground becomes something like being a batter who knows what the pitcher is going to throw. We see it coming: "Hey carrot top!" "What's happening, fire crotch?" or the new classic "You don't have a soul." We've heard them, we see them coming, and we become experts at batting them away -- counterpunching with brilliant insults of our own.
Think about the skills your child would need for a long and happy life. Having red hair almost guarantees many of them will be in there: the ability to deal with criticism, a sense of humor, a constant awareness of the ill effects of sun exposure. Also, for some reason, redheaded men are the only people who can be described as having a "shock" of hair. Not really sure if that adds much, but if your child does grow up to be a legendary fisherman or hunter, this might come in handy.
If none of this has swayed you to appreciate the benefit of ordering sperm to have your very own redheaded child, then perhaps I can encourage you to have one for selfish reasons. It's no secret that parents today are obsessed with making their children unique. It's how we've ended up with children named Apple. So why not secure that individuality you crave for your child -- the boy with a shock of red hair? After all, there are more people in the United States with a Ph.D. or professional degree (3%) than naturally occurring red hair (2%).
Have a redheaded child! Who knows, you might give the world the next Louis C.K. -- or, at worst, the next flash-in-the-pan blogger.Source: cnn.com
I think it's a brilliant response, though of course I still prefer my strategy of getting ginger men to color their hair brown and donate to that sperm bank anyway. Just think of all the unsuspecting couples who will give birth to, and be forced to love little ginger babies. I know from experience. I'm the only ginger born to a brunette haired mother and a black haired father. My older brother and sister both have black hair. Though they were surprised I came out a ginger, my parents chose to keep me and my mother even decided to become an artificial ginger, with the help of her hairdresser. I think I'm a perfect example that while a couple may find themselves surprised with a ginger baby, that ginger baby will most likely not be abandoned due to their ginger status. And that's how we #makemorered
Here's me, as an adorable, non-abandoned ginger child, being raised by a non-ginger family.
Hey, did you know there's a dating service exclusively for gingers, or those looking for ginger mates? Sadly, it's specifically for people living in the UK. But I think we should put one together here in the U.S. And by "we", I mean *someone else*, since I'm happily married.
Did you know they have a makeup site specifically for redheads? I've been using their products for years. It's called Just For Redheads. Yes I actually use their products and no, they do not pay me to say that. Though maybe they should. *wiggles eyebrows and dreams of free products*
see more Poorly Dressed
And now for today's WIN. I know I've shown Tim Minchin's video before, but I just love it so much, I had to share it again. His song... entitled, "Prejudice".
Hey, WTF??!! Just because you're a redhead doesn't give you free license to do stupid haircuts.
In an experiment, 10 brunettes and 10 redheads were given an anesthetic and were subjected to electrical shocks. The readheads required an average of 20% more anesthetic to become too numb to feel the shocks. This test was part of a 2002 study in the University of Louisville. According to the test’s findings, anesthesiologists should consider using more anesthetic when before performing surgery on a redhead.
If only they had discovered this BEFORE 2002, when I had my wisdom teeth removed surgically. *shudders at the memory*