In the news, an Ohio man stole a semi truck, so he could smash through the window of an adult store and grab an $800 synthetic vagina. I must really be naive, because I was not aware they sold synthetic vaginas, or that they would cost $800. It is described as being the bottom half of a woman, from the waist down. C.R.E.E.P.Y. Wow, I guess that guy was really hard up. *snicker* Yes, I'm a 12 year old boy on the inside. But, being the good Christian man that he is, he did return the semi truck to the location he stole it from. Apparently this was not his first smash & grab at this store. In 2009 he crashed into the store and grabbed a sex toy, only to put it back for a different model. "I'm just gonna take this... oh wait, what's over there?"
You know his hand is free. I can't believe I just said that.
In celebrity news, a fan approached Madonna at last week's Venice Film Festival and dared to give her the wrong kind of flower. Note to self: Do not give Madonna hydrangeas. She later had him executed.
Are you captivated by Prince William and Kate? Well now you can buy the doll versions of them, so you can act out all your fantasies, like posing them on your mantel... recreating the wedding scene... maybe even that balcony kiss. Wow, the dolls look just like them. *shakes head no* Why is Kate's head twice the size of William's? They go for $80/piece. That's a steal. I mean, they're stealing from you if you buy it. Also available is the "Engagement Kate" and "Kate Around London". So many opportunities. I wonder how "Kate Around London" would go with my Pocket Edward. What?
And now, for today's FAIL! You too can have personalized STD's (Save The Date cards). No thanks. I prefer my weddings without STDs.
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And today's WIN! (unless you bought the book on the promise that it included a telescope, only to turn the page and find this... then it's a FAIL)
see more WIN - Epic Win Photos and Videos
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And that's all the time I have for today. Try not to crash any semi trucks into adult stores today. Until tomorrow then, here's something you should know...
So what is Snapple Apple’s main fruit then? Drumroll......it’s PEARS! Apparently authentic apple juice does not taste ‘appley’ enough to consumers, so the liquid from its pyriform cousin is used instead. But why can it be marketed as APPLE juice if it’s primarily composed of PEAR juice?? Because it’s not marketed that way. Notice the word “drink” next to juice...calling the beverage a “juice drink” means that it is not required to contain the listed and pictured fruit as its primary component.
In fact, a juice drink only needs to include as little as 5% actual juice to earn that title! Despite containing the depicted fruit, the qualifications for “fruit juice” aren’t much stricter...it only has to contain 10 percent of the real deal.