Thursday, September 8, 2011

Appetite for Love

Thunderous Thursday to you all, my little gingersnaps. Thank you for the well wishes. Still producing mass quantities of phlegm, but am pumped up on drugs, so I'm pushing through. For you. I'm not sure what that even means.

In the news, an Ohio man stole a semi truck, so he could smash through the window of an adult store and grab an $800 synthetic vagina. I must really be naive, because I was not aware they sold synthetic vaginas, or that they would cost $800. It is described as being the bottom half of a woman, from the waist down. C.R.E.E.P.Y. Wow, I guess that guy was really hard up. *snicker* Yes, I'm a 12 year old boy on the inside. But, being the good Christian man that he is, he did return the semi truck to the location he stole it from. Apparently this was not his first smash & grab at this store. In 2009 he crashed into the store and grabbed a sex toy, only to put it back for a different model. "I'm just gonna take this... oh wait, what's over there?"

You know his hand is free. I can't believe I just said that.




Source: deadspin



In celebrity news, a fan approached Madonna at last week's Venice Film Festival and dared to give her the wrong kind of flower. Note to self: Do not give Madonna hydrangeas. She later had him executed.



Source: dlisted




Are you captivated by Prince William and Kate? Well now you can buy the doll versions of them, so you can act out all your fantasies, like posing them on your mantel... recreating the wedding scene... maybe even that balcony kiss. Wow, the dolls look just like them. *shakes head no* Why is Kate's head twice the size of William's? They go for $80/piece. That's a steal. I mean, they're stealing from you if you buy it. Also available is the "Engagement Kate" and "Kate Around London". So many opportunities. I wonder how "Kate Around London" would go with my Pocket Edward. What?



Source: People


And now, for today's FAIL! You too can have personalized STD's (Save The Date cards). No thanks. I prefer my weddings without STDs.


epic fail photos - Save the Date FAIL
see more funny videos, and check out our Yo Dawg lols!


And today's WIN! (unless you bought the book on the promise that it included a telescope, only to turn the page and find this... then it's a FAIL)


epic win photos - Free Telescope WIN
see more WIN - Epic Win Photos and Videos


Hey, WTF??!! You know, making love burns calories. Sometimes you need to replenish your energy supply. Thank goodness the kangaroo had this boy on hand to feed him snacks.





And that's all the time I have for today. Try not to crash any semi trucks into adult stores today. Until tomorrow then, here's something you should know...

Snapple Apple does not contain apple juice among its ingredients!



So what is Snapple Apple’s main fruit then? Drumroll......it’s PEARS! Apparently authentic apple juice does not taste ‘appley’ enough to consumers, so the liquid from its pyriform cousin is used instead. But why can it be marketed as APPLE juice if it’s primarily composed of PEAR juice?? Because it’s not marketed that way. Notice the word “drink” next to juice...calling the beverage a “juice drink” means that it is not required to contain the listed and pictured fruit as its primary component.

In fact, a juice drink only needs to include as little as 5% actual juice to earn that title! Despite containing the depicted fruit, the qualifications for “fruit juice” aren’t much stricter...it only has to contain 10 percent of the real deal.
(source)



Photobucket

5 comments:

  1. When did Madge turn into such an ungrateful, picky bitch? Was it before or after the marionette face?

    So, it doesn't matter how pretty someone is, make a doll of them and it will be creepy anyway. Dolls are always creepy. Look at the size of William's head. Is that right?

    WOW! 68,082 people purchased STDs? Don't they know they can get them for free?

    ReplyDelete
  2. @Christine "WOW! 68,082 people purchased STDs? Don't they know they can get them for free?" <-- *gigglesnort*

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  3. Pocket Edward!!! I love a Pocket Edward mention :-)

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  4. The William doll looks like Val Kilmer and Jim Carrey had a love child together. Lol

    You think the semi truck guy was good, check out this guy who is also from Ohio...lol
    http://www.wlwt.com/news/29049077/detail.html

    ReplyDelete
  5. My stupid computer isn't letting me comment. I hope this goes through today.

    William and Kate OMG....That made my day....Some poor sucker in my family is getting those dolls as a Christmas present.

    ReplyDelete