Final Friday to you all, my gingersnaps! And Happy New Year! It's the end of 2010! How will you celebrate? Me, the party animal, will probably be home reading a book. I know, you're jealous. I am going to a party on New Years Day so that's better than nothing, right? So do you have a New Year's Resolution? Go ahead and tell me so I can hold you to it. I'll wait.............. still waiting.......................... still waiting.................... are you gonna tell me your New Year's Resolution or not? Ok, while you're thinking about it, I'll do the weather.
The weather in Humptulips, Washington is a sunny 35 degrees. Isn't "sunny" and "35 degrees" an oxymoron? I mean, what difference does the sun make if it's still freakin' 35 degrees out? I think the fine residents of humptulips should get off the tulips and protest the sun for not warming up their day more. I would. Traffic on the 405 is slower than bumper to bumper as it is a Friday AND people are getting out of town for the holiday weekend. You might as well just walk to work, people.
In the news, a medical marijuana clinic was offering free joints to their patients in exchange for food donations. They offered a free joint for every 4 cans of food brought in, with a daily limit of 3 free joints per patient. During the two month promotion, the clinic collected a total of 11,000 pounds of food and gave away 2,000 marijuana cigarettes. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? I'm seeing a plan for ending world hunger if we go global with this. Just get the government on board and we can give new meaning to "Obamacare". Perhaps this will finally bridge the gap between the political parties. And while we're ending world hunger, free pot for everyone can also lead to world peace. Free pot to every foreign dignitary who agrees to world peace. Why has no one thought of this before? See, this is why they should just go ahead and elect me President of the Planet.
In celebrity news, Joe Francis, founder of Girls Gone Wild has split with his wife of one month. Actually it was the wife that split. Perhaps she found the Girls Gone Wild bachelor party tape? No word on what will happen to her $500,000 engagement ring. Yeah, you read that right. HALF A MILLION DOLLAR RING. Must have been a good reason for her to leave after one month.
In other news, Russell Brand has got to be in the dog house after taking a surprise picture of Katy Perry after she just woke up and tweeting it. He very quickly removed it (I wonder what she said to make him remove it) but by then it was plastered all over the internet. Russell, I hear women like flowers. And chocolate. And diamonds. I hear there's a $500,000 diamond ring for sale. You can probably get it for a discount.
Have you always wished you could make your boobs jiggle in public? Well your wishes have now come true! You can have your very own boob jiggler that will... uh... increase pollen in your boobs? uh... keep the yellow stuff from falling out and sliding into your belly? uh... come with your very own pushup bra? I don't know. I don't speak Mandarin, but check it out for yourself. This would be an awesome party trick though. Or you can take it to a fancy restaurant and turn it on during dinner. Perhaps use it during a board meeting. The possibilities are endless.
And now it's time for... DAMN YOU AUTOCORRECT!!!
This has got to be the best baby shower cake ever. I want to bring this cake to every baby shower I attend for the rest of my life. It's the Mr. Bill face that makes it. I wonder what that red stuff is.
And that's all the time I have for the rest of the year. In fact, I'm turning in my blogging card and I won't be back until next year. Try not to miss me. Until then, here's a little something to help you survive...