Monday, August 23, 2010

Lost Blood

Mundane Monday everyone! How did you fare during the weekend? I'm imagining all three of you readers telling me how your weekend is. One at a time, people!


The weather today in Embarrass, Wisconsin is a partly cloudy 82 degrees. Why name the town "Embarrass"? Are they embarrassed to live there? Is it a town of people who bring embarrassment to everyone they know? One thing is certain... you shouldn't be embarrassed to admit you take the 405 to work every day, just because it's bumper to bumper. People understand. They really do. Many of you have no other way to get to work. Though you can make your commute fun by embarrassing your carpoolers. Singing loudly in the car should do it. Or farting. That always works. If you have the will but are lacking the gas... download the iFart Mobile app on your iPhone and it will fart for you. #brilliant


In the news, a Texas dad came up with a creative punishment for his daughter after she broke her curfew. He took out an ad in their community newspaper, offering up 30 hours of free babysitting by his daughter. In the ad he explains that this is punishment for her breaking curfew but he also wanted to help people out. The daughter is saying she will never break curfew again.


Source: apnews


I simultaneously applaud that dad and thank my lucky stars that he wasn't my dad.


In creepy C-list celebrity news, Spencer Pratt admits he has always dreamed of being a porn star. Excuse me while I throw up in my mouth. *shudder* Of course this comes after he's announced he's trying to sell footage from all of his and Heidi's sex tapes to Vivid Entertainment for 5 million dollars. He claims he has enough footage to fill a website.


Source: TMZ



Excuse me while I try to take a shower on the inside. I feel dirty.


In other news... Sooooookie and Beeeeeeeel tied the knot on Saturday. Several of their True Blood costars were in attendance.


Source: JustJared


Arlene from True Blood brought her real life husband to their wedding.



Do you know who she is married to????? BENJAMIN LINUS!



*thud* Don't believe me? Here they are together!



Are you telling me that her red hair isn't natural???! No way. *giggle*


Attention everyone, do you wish you could sleep better in a plane, train or automobile? How about in a public airport surrounded by strangers? Ever look at a burka and wish you could turn it into some sort of sleeping apparatus? Well, I've got the product for you! Introducing, the Snazzy Napper!



Source: dlisted


I can't decide on whether to pick the smaller one with the jumping sheep or the larger one with the Zzzzzzzzzz's.


Hey, WTF??!!


Source: pictureisunrelated


You know, walking to your destination when tribal warriors go to the neighboring village for a fight to the death, is so 2009. Save your energy, village people! Next time, take the bus.


And that's all the time I have for today. Try not to think too hard about the fact that today is Monday and you have a full week of work ahead of you. Sorry for reminding you. Here's something that might take your mind off your work (other than Arlene being married to Benjamin Linus)...


A fly that appears to have drowned can be revived with the use of everyday table salt.

Flies breathe through a series of tubes on their body called spiracles. When a fly is in water for an extended period of time, these tubes are blocked and it loses consciousness as part of a natural defense mechanism.

Like many insects, flies can survive without oxygen for an extended period of time. The salt draws water out of the spiracles, and if the fly has not actually drowned it will be able to fly off, good as new!

-OMG Facts


Now go find a fly and drown it so you can test it out.


Photobucket

8 comments:

  1. That dad is a genius. I'm taking note of that idea and putting it away so that when Mr. 10 and Miss 7 go on her first dates, I've got the defense system up and running.

    As far as Spencer, at least he is taking his aspirations seriously. Nice porn-stache start. Its worse than the idea of him actually making the movie to me. I'm gagging.

    You know, the nap thing should have been issued to the guys with the poison dart frogs in their satchels. They look like they are ready to bust out the bus windows to kill someone. Perhaps the Snazzy Napper would let them find their chi and focus on the battle ahead.

    Again, you kill me. Mwah!

    ReplyDelete
  2. my weekend was AWESOME - but no time for rest and now im back at work holding my eyelids open with toothpicks and pounding shots of coffee

    ReplyDelete
  3. Next! My weekend was crazy,but awesome, thanks for asking :) We adopted 2 Blue Heeler mix puppies from the local shelter...they've been giving us a run for our money all weekend!

    I so need to figure out how to be in an infomercial like these! I love the women acting so perturbed by the sunlight-like, oh oh! the sun! oh! no! Ah, but, I have my Snazzy Napper, phew! Wouldn't a simple eyemask help in those situations? I don't think that little bit of shoulder coverage is much of a blanket. I mean, eyemasks certainly don't look as cool as the Snazzy Napper, but I guess that's why they're called eye masks, and not Snazzy Napper. It really should've been called the Snazzy Sleepr though...aliteration and whatnot.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I guess even little ones are offended by Spencer. I was holding little Squirmy, and when I scrolled down and saw Spencer's picture, Squirmy spit up all over my keyboard...lol.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I don't think I would leave my house plants let alone a child with his out of control teen. Now free yard or maid service I'll take!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love how you guys actually told me about your weekend. That should be a mandatory comment feature on Mondays!!

    Scaarlet, whoa... that's quite a repulsion your little squirmy is showing toward Spencer. And ewwwwww, LOL.

    Cari, I have to admit, while I'm all for the punishment, I would be reluctant to leave my kids with a girl who is only watching them because she is punished.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I love how the two guys reading just ignore the woman strapping that napper thing on. Like it happens everyday. Lol. And Spencer reminds me of a deranged goat for some reason. Lol

    ReplyDelete
  8. OMG! OMG! She is married to Benjamin Linus?! Lucky bitch.

    ReplyDelete