Friday, July 23, 2010

Belly Rolls and Ballerinas

Happy Friday my friends!!! Today in Gas, Kansas it is a sunny 95 degrees. Do you think Kansas has a lot of natural gas? Or perhaps the residents do? Regardless, I hope you morning commuters have filled your gas tanks because traffic on the 405 is bumper to bumper. And we all know frequent braking is not kind to the gas mileage. Or at least it isn't in Los Angeles. Perhaps things are different in Gas, Kansas. Maybe gas is free there. Gas is free here too, but you have to generate it yourself. From leafy vegetables mostly. And beans.


In Fort Lauderdale, Florida, police arrested a man who used a crucifix to pry open a donation box and steal the money inside St. John the Baptist Catholic Church. Surveillance video caught the crime.


Source: apnews


First of all... that's very gutsy, stealing a crucifix from a church and using it to break open a donation box to steal the money. That reminds me of how I regularly tell my kids that even when Mama can't see what you're doing... GOD ALWAYS SEES YOU. To which my kids always respond, "And He tells you???". And I say, "Yes kids. Yes He does. He tells me everything." I'll pay for their therapy later.

Second of all... Why does the church have surveillance cameras? Don't they trust people? Well ok, they probably shouldn't. They should've told the guy that God told them who did it, instead of the surveillance camera. Probably would've scared him straight.


Ladies, the tissues are on the house today, because I must announce that Orlando Bloom is officially off the market. That's right. Orlando and his fiancee Miranda Kerr secretly married and are now currently on their honeymoon.


Source: people.com


I'm so sorry ladies. Your chances of becoming his first wife are gone. Perhaps you can hope to be #2 or #3. What? I mean, those two kids are in love and will be forever and ever. Congrats you too. Hope she signed a pre-nup Orlando.


Angelina Jolie attended Comic-Con in San Diego, promoting her new movie "Salt" (which I am seeing tonight). No word yet on whether those Russians will be sitting next to us again in the theater. I can only hope. Anyway, I think this picture has given me an epiphany...


Source: JustJared


Epiphany: Angelina Jolie is an automaton. Who ever is responsible for creating the Angelina Jolie automaton, must be the same people who are behind making the Heidi Klum. Cause neither of them are human.



No true human can walk in heels like that. That's how I know. If I were to attempt such a feat, you could be sure I would go down within seconds with two broken ankles.

Sidenote: Apparently Angelina was dressed very similar to this when Mr. Ginger spotted her at our local Toys R Us. She was wearing a skirt like that, and boots with spiked heels. Incidentally, it was the boots he noticed first and he immediately wondered how anyone (who is human) could walk in them, when he looked up and recognized her. He said she smelled nice. I think it's the perfume they use to mask the fact that THEY ARE NOT HUMAN.


Since I'm going all conspiracy theory today, let's contemplate another conundrum. I really just wanted to use conundrum in a sentence. No word on whether it was used correctly or not, but that is hardly the point. The point is... Tom Cruise is documented to be 5'7 inches tall. Cameron Diaz is documented to be 5'9 inches tall. How can a 5'9 Cameron Diaz, wearing 4-5 inch heels, be roughly the same height as a 5'7 Tom Cruise wearing 1 inch boots?


Source: huffingtonpost


My friends, I smell a conspiracy. My theory? I think Tom Cruise is pulling a ballerina stance on his toes inside his boots.



Yep, just like that. That's the only plausible explanation. Unless you have a better one?


Folks, I have an extra special WTF feature for you today. You will go from bewilderment, shock, and awe, then joy and very soon you'll be singing along to what I'm pretty sure should be my theme song. Ladies and gentlemen...

Watch out for my belly rolls.


Source: pictureisunrelated.com



And that is all the time I have for today. Have a razzle dazzle weekend and don't do anything I would do. But more importantly, you must go into your weekend knowing that...


The United States has more Jewish citizens than the State of Israel.

-OMG Facts


Coincidence? *whispers dramatically* I think not!


Photobucket

10 comments:

  1. It's stuck in my head !!!
    Watch out for my body rolls,
    Watch out for my body rolls ……
    Aaaaagggghhh!! Help me ! ~laughing~

    ReplyDelete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. The body rolls are stuck in my head ... High Kicks!

    You're an evil woman, Ginger ... evil, evil woman ...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Maybe Mr. Cruise has mini-stilts in his boots, which means he must have awfully small feet if they fit in the tops of his boots, and you know what they say about men with small feet ...

    Those heels Angelina is wearing are killer, I might be able to wear them but I definitely wouldn't look real graceful walking in them. I wonder if "stars" practice walking in those kinds of shoes? How does she run and play with her kids wearing those things?

    Gonna be singing or humming "body rolls" at different points during the day- hopeful not at the pool cause someone might think i am singing about their body rolls instead of a dance move...

    Have a nice weekend Ginger.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm a dance floor tiger lady!

    Oh my god-that is definitely a WTF moment-but hilarious! Who comes up with this shit?! High Kick! High Kick!

    My sister has a pair of pumps like that-that she aptly calls her F' Me Pumps--she wears them around her house the day she goes out so she can "practice." I watched this "practice" in fear when I was with her last--she was not terribly steady. And, she wears heals all the time. I'm going to agree with the automoton statement.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am seriously dying from laughter. The Tom Cruise ballerina bit was hilarious!!! It really doesn't make sense!!!!!! Oh, and Angelina is my total girl crush. She's too perfect!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Damn that song! It's been in my head all day! Watch me as my body rolls body rolls...high kick high kick! AHHHH!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I totally dislike Miranda Kerr. She is not a good role model for young girls being as underweight as she is. Someone needs to force feed her cheeseburgers till we cannot see her bones again. There has been a new law passed in Australia that will require models to have healthy BMI measurements in order to work. Her's is well under healthy and she might not have a job for much longer! Ahhh....I feel better after having said my piece. <3

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think that song should be labeled NSFW. I tried to watch it at work (because youtube hates me at my house) and I had to stop it almost immediately for fear it would upset my patients or co-workers:) Now I really want to hear the whole thing... maybe.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I think that song should be labeled NSFW. I tried to watch it at work (because youtube hates me at my house) and I had to stop it almost immediately for fear it would upset my patients or co-workers:) Now I really want to hear the whole thing... maybe.

    ReplyDelete