Thursday, July 8, 2010

Banana Hammocks Are Not Our Friends.

Surprise! It's a threepeat! It's still me, and I'm still blogging away. Let's skip down the yellow brick road to Dwarf, Kentucky today. It's a sunny 94 degrees, which shouldn't be too bad because smaller people can handle heat better than larger people. Traffic on the 405 is bumper to bumper, so if you're feet don't reach the pedals, I'd recommend pedal extensions, or sitting on a phone book. Or possibly both.

In the news, an Oklahoma pharmacist played a trick on a serial burglar who is breaking into local pharmacists and stealing bottles of hydrocodone. This pharmacist, expecting his store would be hit next, filled the hydrocodone bottles with chocolate, which they are calling "sweet revenge".

Source: apnews

Ok, what kind of messed up world considers chocolate to be "sweet revenge"? Nooooooo. That Pharmacist has it all wrong. He should've filled the bottles with laxatives.

Reminds me of 9th grade when this guy who liked me always acted like a jerk to me. Whenever he saw me with gum he'd say, "Give me some gum, woman!" And I'd say "Nope! Not until you ask nicely." Well he never asked nicely so I never gave him gum, even though this went on all year long. Finally I decided to play a trick on him during our 2 hour end of the year final exams. Hey did you know Chiclets Peppermint Gum looks almost exactly like Feenamint Laxative Gum? You see where I'm going with this, right?

So I bought a pack of Chiclets and some Laxative Gum. I emptied the Chiclets box & filled it with laxative gum, putting two real Chiclets on top (which I took out and chewed in front of him). As soon as he saw my gum, he came up to me and actually asked nicely for the first time! He said, "Hey, can I please have some gum? I'm really nervous about taking this exam. So I said, "Sure!" and gave him 4 pieces. Boy did he squirm during that exam. And that was about the time I realized that sometimes... I'm capable of doing not so nice things. I haven't tried that trick since, but it's probably safe just to never accept gum from me if it's in a Chiclets box.

In Celebrity news, Lindsay Lohan, who begged for leniency in court and swore to the judge that she respects the court, apparently had the words "f*ck u" painted on the middle finger of her left hand, which she held up over her mouth several times, knowing her picture was being taken.

Now she says she meant no disrespect at the court. She simply forgot she had that on her nail and was just having fun with friends when she did that stencil.


Oh I believe Lindsay forgot she had that on her nail. In fact, I think she might have been kidnapped while changing a tire by people who forced her to do drugs. They probably painted her nails while she was tied down and blindfolded and she had no idea what happened. Or did I get my stories crossed? Hey I wonder if OPI is going to come out with a nailpolish that's called "F*ck U Lindsay". I think they should.

I think we can all agree that Reuters had the headline of the year yesterday when they posted this article...

Source: TMZ

Reuters should get an award for it. Or start a new trend of choosing news story titles with sexual entendres. Hmmm... maybe I should start doing that for this blog. (that's what she said)

Hey, WTF?!!

Source: funpic

This is one of those fashion statements I can't stand behind. Unless you're buff like Brad Pitt. Nope, not even then.

That's all the time I have for today. The staff says my computer privileges are over and it's time to take my meds so they don't have to strap me down this time.

Before I go, I must get this vital information out to you, before the staff takes me away to my padded room. You must know...

If two pieces of metal touch in space, they get stuck together PERMANENTLY.

-OMG Facts



  1. I think that the "F U" on her nails didn't help her case if the judge did see it. That bitch was SCREWED anyways. That judge was pissed at her. Umm... The banana hammocks... I have no words. Just barf. D'oh!

  2. Okay, I stared at the banana hammocks way to long. I'm afraid to close my eyes tonight. I just couldn't pull myself a train wreck.... #helpme!!!!!!!!

  3. Ashleigh, look away from the banana hammocks. *hands you blindfold* It will be ok. *pats your back*