Monday, June 21, 2010

Beary Scary

Hello gingersnaps! Why do I get so many comments when I tell you I'm going away? I think I should go away more often. Maybe every other week. Yes?

The weather in Cut n' Shoot, Texas is a sunny 95 degrees today. Those crazy Texans. "Cut n' Shoot" really? Shouldn't it be "Shoot n' Cut"? Because if someone is going to cut me up (and presumably have me for dinner), I'd prefer to be shot first. Then cut. But that's just me. Traffic on the 405 is bumper to bumper, like always, but make sure to practice your breathing techniques so you don't succumb to road rage and Cut n' Shoot your fellow commuters.

In the news, a man was killed outside Yellowstone National Park by a Grizzly bear. The attack happened in the same place where just two hours earlier, an adult male bear was captured by two researchers, examined and tagged. He was left in that spot to wake up. The unfortunate man was out for a walk when he was attacked and killed by the bear.


If you're expecting me to make a joke about this guy getting eaten by the Grizzly, you can forget it. I'm not so callous as to suggest the bear woke up, looking for some payback after getting his new SCRAM bracelet. I'd never do that. Little known fact... I grew up with an 8 and 1/2 foot Grizzly Bear. It's true. Yes it was real. It lived in our family room after Daddy brought it home from British Columbia. Here's a picture of me as a child, with our Grizzly Bear.

Source: me

Now if you think I had nightmares of this and the other bear (yes I said other bear) coming alive at night and chasing me through the house while I was running in slow motion, unable to scream... you would be right. Thanks Dad. Perhaps a little insight into why I turned out this way. And FYI... bear burgers are worse than moose burgers. But venison is nummy.

In other news, the Princess of Sweden got married, in what was the largest royal wedding since Charles and Diana.


Congratulations to the Princess and her Gym Owner husband. I believe they were registered at IKEA if anyone would like to send a congratulatory gift. It has not yet been confirmed if IKEA's Swedish Meatballs were on the menu at the reception.

In celebrity news, John Goodman is sober and no longer fat. I repeat, NO LONGER FAT.


Mr. Goodman, I am very glad you have made some healthy changes, and that means we can see more of you... errr.... less of you, for many years to come. Good on ya!

(disclosure: I am not Australian, I just like to pretend I am sometimes. Blame my dad and his bears)

And that's all the time I have for today. It's good to be back. Tell you what, let's meet back here same time same place tomorrow. But until then, there is some vital information I learned while I was away that you must know...

A 12-year-old's science project showed that Fast food ice was dirtier than toilet water.

-OMG Facts



  1. Texans don't cut-n-run...they cut-n-shoot! Because everything they do is bigger! I can say that as a former Texan.

    I saw John Goodman on David Letterman and was all, Whaaaa? Who? When? Wow! He did seem to have lost some of his jolly though. I say that as a badabing-but as a truth. He was uber mellow-and almost seemed sad. He did say he had given up drinking bear, or cut back or whatever. Maybe he was always buzzed before? Maybe he's like Fun Bobby from Friends?

  2. Maybe John Goodman was just starving.?

  3. Ewww.
    That's disgusting... Now I'm worried to get ice in my soda at In N Out.
    Good job at ruining In n Out. Just kidding.. even a cockroach in my cheeseburger couldn't ruin In n Out.

  4. Ok Meghanface, the cockroach in the cheeseburger made me throw up in my mouth just a little. First I'd sue them for distress, the In-N-Out company would make sure it never happened again, and I'd continue eating there.