Monday, May 17, 2010

Cutting More Than Calories

Well howdy everyone. Did you miss me? And just for the record... the "howdy" is a rarely used word in my vocabulary, whipped out real special just for you. Because I'm not from The South. And if you're about to argue that Orlando, Florida is part of The South... well... then you have to claim Miami too. Yeah, that's what I thought.

The weather in Big Bone Lick, Kentucky is a cloudy 71 degrees today with scattered showers. Traffic on the 405 is bumper to bumper, so today would be a great day to practice touching your nose with your tongue.

In the news, a 12 year old boy in the U.K. has wracked up a bill of £900 by playing FarmVille on Facebook. By the time his mom noticed the first charge on her account & closed it, more charges had been rolling in. The boy's reason for spending all the money on FarmVille: "they had brought out good stuff that I wanted".


Thanks Lyndsea

Sounds like a perfectly good reason to me. I can't imagine why his mom would be upset. *hurries to lock up my credit cards away from my children's reach*

In They-Wish-They-Were-Celebrities-News, Heidi Montag and her *cough* husband Spencer Pratt received an unannounced visit from Heidi's mom. She knocked on their front door, so naturally instead of opening the door, Heidi called the police. Heidi's mom left without trouble when the police arrived. Heidi says she will seek a restraining order against her mom. After the police & mom were gone, Spencer Pratt went outside to stay on the lookout for the mom's return.


The mom's big offense? Not liking Heidi's new plastic surgeries and saying she preferred how Heidi looked before. Spencer says Heidi's mom "emotionally raped her" by saying that. Oh and what's that big thing Spencer is holding in his hand? It's a huge crystal which is supposed to create good vibes. I'm not making this up. I know you can be institutionalized for being a harm to yourself or others, but does annoying the general public to death count as "harm"? I think so too.

Hey did you all watch Calorie Commando with Juan-Carlos Cruz on the Food Network?

*crickets* Just me, huh? Well I used to watch it. I remember thinking how nice and caring the chef with the hyphenated first name was, sharing the secrets behind his 70 pound weight loss by substituting recipe ingredients with lower calorie choices.

Yeah, he just got arrested for soliciting homeless people in Santa Monica to kill his wife.


Did you know that Santa Monica has the largest percentage of homeless people in all of Los Angeles? Can't say as I blame them. If I was homeless, I'd go live where the weather is best too. Do they count as "residents"? *wondering out loud* I mean, Hey Mr. Calorie Commando... ever heard of "Divorce"? Yes, you'd have to part with some of your money, but at least you wouldn't have landed yourself in the pokey, sharing a cell with Big Bubba. On the bright side, you can help the inmates from gaining weight by offering lower calorie food substitutes.

Maybe, instead of plotting your wife's death, you should've just gotten a big @ss crystal to carry around.

Hey, WTF??!!!

Source: dlisted

Oooh oh!! I know this one... it's a tattoo of a vampire who is in pain because he has the mumps. Wait, can vampires get mumps? Tattoos are permanent you know.

And that's all the time I have for you today. Be kind to your enemies, so they will never suspect you when you pay them back. And if there's one thing I want you to take away from today, it's this...

-OMG Facts



  1. Yay!!! Glad you're back. I've missed my daily dose of craziness.

    That tattoo of Edward is just nuts. It's not even a good picture. AND...if you are going to get a tattoo of someone hot, on your back...really?? You can't see it, you lay on it every night (and not in a good way). Ed looks pissed. (as he should be).

    I think Spencer is holding Kryptonite. He's become that kooky.

  2. Welcome back Ginger!!! Your snappy (bad pun intended) commentary was definitely missed this past week.

    A) I am personally not a Farmville fan, but I can see the addiction to some Facebook games... (CityLife lets you buy a date with Robert Pattinson.)

    B) Spencer, Heidi and their good vibrations crystal should be the first inhabitants of a planet far far away... they would get great publicity without actually having to be around other human beings. #JustAnIdea. NASA would really be doing the world a favor, and I would hate to think of losing a monkey when we have disposable crazies running around.

    :) Akilah

  3. Im so glad youre back. Youve put the first real smile on my face, since my boyfriend of 8 years up and dumps me last night. Thank you for making me smile!

  4. YAY! Welcome Back!

    So, did Juan-Carlos (even in my head I have to say that with an overdoing-it accent)think that homeless people aren't real people and will just be murderers? "Hey you! Guy on the ground! Yeah, you! Wanna make some money? Um, I need you to kill my wife. What?! Your sign says you'll work for food--I'm offering money! What's wrong with you!?" Dick.

    And does Edward have jowels in that tattoo? And it's HUGE! That is not going to be fun to cover in a couple of years when she realizes what a mess it is and how embarrassing it is-it's going to have to be a giant mural of some sort! Perhaps a full back Yakuza type tattoo?

  5. Thank goodness youre back :)

    Oh and I didn't know youre from orlando. thats cool. we were actually there this weekend to take my neice to disney. still have family there?

  6. I missed you! My mornings after dropping the kids off at school were so boring!

    I'm all for getting tattooed (got 5 myself), but that one...just wrong. There should be a law that says you either need approval from a specified number of people before you get a tattoo, or have a waiting period like they do on guns. But then again, if there were laws like that, it would be a whole group of people that we couldn't laugh at....

  7. Awww you guys love me! You really love me! *feeling validated* Or maybe you're just buttering me up so I don't go away again?? LOVE YOU GUYS!