Thursday, February 25, 2010

The Spanx and Ginger Show

It's Spank and Ginger in the morning. The weather in Telluride, Colorado is currently 18 degrees and snowing so you should tell your ride that traffic on the 405 is bumper to bumper because the cars a huddled close together to keep warm.



hiiiiiimph sxhrrrr pszzzzzzzzz




*tilts my head, confused* Um... Err.... Hmmm....




zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz




*looks around the room for help*




hrrruh? *raises head* Have you been here long?




No, just got here




Sorry, a bit groggy because of the NEIGHBOR DOG THAT KEEPS BARKING AND WAKING ME UP NIGHT AFTER NIGHT AFTER NIGHT which is making me think inappropriate violent thoughts.



*snickers* I thought you liked dogs?




*glaring* You KNOW I don't like dogs. Now shapeshifting Native American wolves on the other hand.... that's a different story.



Right. Dogs in the pacific northwest are okay. Gotcha.




*counting backward in my head from 10 to 1* Soooooo, Spank, did you know that singing can "rewire" a damaged brain?



Source: bbc news


I sing all the time. Not helping.




Maybe you're not singing loud enough.




My fellow drivers on the 405 would disagree.




Well I'm thinking, if this is indeed true... singing might counteract the brain damage that excessive drinking can cause. You know what that means, right?



I should continue to drink excessively while singing loudly?




Yes! Drunken Karaoke!!!




Finally I am doing something right!




Speaking of doing right... we like boobs here on The Spank and Ginger Show, don't you agree?



I love boobs.




I haven't met a pair of boobs I didn't like, unless you count manboobs and Anna Paquin's.
Anywho... Spanx is now tackling manboobs! That's right. They now have Spanx for men!


Source: spanx.com


This really makes me want to change my name.




To Spanx?




No to nothing remotely close to Spanx.




Sally?




Okay.




Alright Sally, to help our readers understand how the Man Spanx works, I created a little visual.




Wow, talk about transformation.




Yeah I know! You men should go right out and buy it. I mean, if you want to look like Brad Pitt.



But do Spanx for girls make you look like Angelina Jolie?




Yes they do, Sally.




*runs out to the street, yells* TAXI!




Speaking of faking orgasms... this is apparently what Antonio Banderas looks like right now, while filming a movie.



Source: splashnewsonline


Another movie about Santa?




I think it's a movie about Santana. So Sally,




Yes, G?




Don't you think it's cute when celebrities try to match their kids?




No.




Yea me neither. I think we can use this as an example of what not to do.




Source: tmz.com


I'm actually diggin' the mohawk.




Maybe I should try that with my hair.




Yeah *shakes head no*




Hey... WTF!




Source: pictureisunrelated.com



The bags aren't providing enough coverage.




I can't decide if that's the Miss KKK Pageant or the Miss I-Got-Hit-With-The-Ugly-Stick-But-I-Have-A-Nice-Body Pageant.



It doesn't matter to me, I'm switching to margarine.




Uh huh! *nods and pretends I understand what you're saying* Well folks, that's all the time we have for today. Before we go, we'll leave you with this parting thought:



If the handicapped bathrooms are for people who cant walk why do they put
them at the end of the bathrooms ?

-goodquotes.com

4 comments:

  1. I actually had that HairDONT for a while...in the 80's....and yes I thought it looked cool.

    I also had...a mullet..*hangs head in shame*

    a "f*g-tag" or Rat-tail..for some reason that was cool too.

    I'll never understand the hair thing. ya know; my dad used to flip out when I showed up with different colored hair; or whatever he thought was a *stupid* haircut. which apparently didnt include the mullet. FML. so now theres photographic evidence out there that yes; I briefly channeled Billy Ray Cyrus.

    Ladeeez? where is everyone?

    WHERES THE EYECANDY?? i mean come on; Spank did you ever get the SpanxBerry camera fixed? cuz I'm PRETTY sure that someone was promised a side by side by side shot of iNatural boobies with @Ginger and @sweetlikesandi?? *grinning*

    and my freakin' DeepBerry camera still isnt fixed. I thought you were gonna go take one for the team there huh huh huh??

    *crosses fingers behind back so you cant see*

    *raises right hand as if swearing on bible*

    I promise not to slam on Jackspers deliciousness for a full month yes MONTH if you tell me how you did it!!!!!!!

    *mwaaauuuuuaaaaaah*

    shoulda stuck to wearing the paper bag.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lessons I've learned from the Spank & Ginger show today:

    1) Drunken karaoke cures cancer
    2) Having sex with Danny DeVito is just like sex with Brad Pitt
    3) The KKK needs to update their bathing suit line
    4) We need more iNatural boobies on the show

    And to think I spent all the money on a private university when all I needed to know I can learn from S&G

    ReplyDelete
  3. Things @Deep learned today? *muah @Heather*

    1) Drunken Karaoke cures cancer.....but not in Short People.

    2) Having sex with Danny Devito is similar but not the same as having sex with a knitted monkey. (and no where near as satisfying)

    3) @Rain_Storm can Read like a mo 'fo but her party Rats are worn incorrectly.

    4) Hale Yea to boobies of almost any kind. I say almost b/c Heidi Spidey Prat Montagueeee has ugly fake titties.

    I spent no money on university (except on massive amounts of vodka which is similar right?) and I have learned nothing. But I can Read and Giggle with Spank and Ginger!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Deep, we'll have eye candy tomorrow! And I too had a mullet (a red haired mullet) and a rattail.

    Heather, I love the lessons you learn on The Spank and Ginger Show!!

    ReplyDelete