Friday, February 19, 2010

Holy Cow!

It's Spank and Ginger in the morning. The weather in Paradise, California is currently 62 degrees, which is precisely why the grass is green and the girls are pretty. Traffic on the 405 is bumper to bumper as Cloud Nine is blocking the view of oncoming vehicles.

Why hello Spank. I trust you are having a blessed morning.

Have we met? *whispers, shaking my head* Not a morning person.

*confused* I'm wondering if those "tea leaves" that man handed me in the alley weren't tea leaves after all.

Was it by chance Professor Trelawney you saw?

Wait.. how did you know?

Let's just say I see things. *wink*

Well she was being driven around by Mischa Barton. I should've known better.


Well Ginger, I am sure it is being used for medicinal purposes due to the high level of anxiety that's at epidemic levels in Hollywood.

Oh you mean they got it at that Medicinal Marijuana shop next to Lucky Strike in Hollywood?

Oh I think they have theirs delivered, you know how those celebrity types are.

On a completely different, non-random note, I've got GREAT news, Spank!

*affects Disney level excitement* What is it, G?

Ginger Squirrels are making a comeback in Scotland!!!

Source: bbc news

Wow. The Chipmunks may go rabid when they hear this news.

Oh those ginger squirrels can totally take The Chipmunks down. Then I don't have to hear about that damn Japanese Banana again.


Since I'm so good at sharing, here you go:

*peeling a banana* Moving on.

So in celebrity news, Tiger Woods' porn-star-mistress says he got her pregnant twice. One she miscarried and the other she aborted.


She aborted her meal ticket?

Somehow I find that hard to believe.

I'll buy that for a dollar.

*giggles* I especially appreciate her quote at the end, when referring to Tiger's wife Elin. She said, "I felt bad for her, she didn't deserve this, and she didn't deserve being humiliated."

Yeah, what woman wants to be cheated on by her husband with a rough-ass looking ho?

*raises hand part way* uh... wait. No, I don't.

Not to mention the myriad of parting gifts she probably leaves behind.

*shudder* Speaking of leaving parts behind, Barbara Walters is kissing her Oscar Specials Goodbye.


She's just trying to make us cry.

I think they can't possibly make the camera fuzzy enough to hide her age now. That's why she's probably leaving.

Is she 100 yet?

I think she passed that milestone years ago, Spank. What I'm most disturbed about in this article is the part where she said, "I will always remember when Hugh Jackman gave me a private lap dance." WTF?

He sat on her lap when he was a baby and she was 70 years old.

Crazy old lady thought that counted as a lap dance.

He WAS on her lap, but she was babysitting.

*laughs hysterically* Hey, you ready for some eye candy today?

*closes my eyes and begs* Please let it be Jackson. PLEASE let it be Jackson.

It's Christina Hendricks again! (star of Mad Men, reoccurring character on Firefly) Apparently all this talk about her body has made her self-conscious. She doesn't want people to keep focusing on her body. So naturally, she posed for New York Magazine in a bustier and some panties.

Source: JustJared

Her skin is whiter than her bustier.

You got a problem with fair-skinned redheads, Spank?

*looks around the room*

*staring at you, waiting for you to answer*

Have I told you lately that I love you?

*forgets what we were talking about* Oh that's sweet, Spank. I love you too.

*wipes the sweat from my brow, smiles* And now that I've side-stepped the equivalent of global disaster let's have a WTF moment, shall we?

Sure, Spank. Here you go:


Anal sex will never be the same.

o_O I've watched Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe. There's just no way for us to know which hole their hands are in from this angle.

Their hands are in A hole of a cow. Really?! WTF?!

Yep, you can reach both chambers through that A-hole. It's a maze up in there, Spank!

It's the chamber of secrets.

It's the chamber of dirty secrets.

I'm becoming a vegetarian as of right now.

I'm eating a hamburger right now.

That was one mad cow, I'm sure.

You know where I got my hamburger, right?


Double double animal style.

No cows were harmed in the making of this post (except for the one Ginger is presently eating). Now we want you all to expand your minds while pondering this deep thought:

Is there anything easier done than said?

1 comment:

  1. 0.o...

    Hole-y hell....I'll be back later.

    *wandering off wide-eyed; shaking head*

    Gum Boots? wtf???