Thursday, February 18, 2010

Duck, Duck, Toof!

It's Spank and Ginger in the morning. The weather in Roach, Missouri is currently 32 degrees and cloudy, which is not cold enough to freeze the antennae off a blattaria. Traffic on the 405 is bumper to bumper due to construction at the Roach Motel.



*shudders* Nice way to start the morning, Spank. You know I have a r-r-roach phobia. You know what I'm doing right now?




*grins* No, Ginger, I was not aware of that.




You were not aware that I have a roach phobia? Pants On Fire! What kind of alternate universe did you fall into?




*shrugs* The one where I don't feel guilty for feeding your phobia.




I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'm chewing GUM!




*throws ALL the pocket people at you and storms off screaming*




Just kidding. I'm not actually chewing GUM. I almost never do, as you know. Especially not around you and your gum phobia.




STOP. SAYING. THAT. WORD.




*snicker* Alright, alright. Truce! No "g" word from me and no "r" word from you. Agreed?




*picks the pocket people off the floor, stands and tentatively shakes your hand, giving you a dirty look* Deal.




Alright. *eyes you and your pocket people with suspicion* How about some news? There was a new study out saying men need better-fitting condoms.




Source: bbc news



What they're not saying is that the condoms are too big because the average man has a tiny peen but will still buy the large sized condom because they don't want the convenience store clerk at 7/11 to know the truth.



Exactly! Men are too embarrassed to buy the "Tiny Tim Condoms". Should we have a special message to the men out there?




If you need to buy Tiny Tim Condoms, you should just stay home and watch a "movie."




Oh snap! You Spanked them.




Kapow!




*laughing hysterically* I wonder what kind of traffic our site will get with "Spanked" and "condoms" in this post.



Traffic? I see a a whole new market for ad space in our future.




Genius Spank! I don't pay you the big bucks for nothing. Oh wait...



Let's move on to celebrity news: All the news outlets are announcing that Chynna Phillips has "entered rehab for anxiety".


Source: people.com


Wait for it... wait for it.... *rolls my eyes hard*




Why is everyone saying "entered rehab for anxiety"? Is that like "entered rehab for heroin"? Is she addicted to anxiety?




*takes a moment to reflect on my life, laughs uncontrollably* She'd overdose on anxiety if she walked a mile in my shoes.




In all seriousness, we're all for treatment of anxiety. Good luck Chynna in your treatment. And if you have an overabundance of anxiety meds that you don't need, you can email us. We'll gladly take some off your hands. #sharingiscaring



We are the world. #feedusyourpills




Speaking of pills, Adam Lambert laid the smack down on an audience member who was on their phone during his show. Apparently he stopped singing and yelled "get off your phone" to the audience member.



Source: imnotobsessed.com



See I never talk on my phone. That's rude. I just text, IM, email and tweet.




Agreed. It was rude of her to be talking on her phone during the show. But if she had been tweeting and he said that, he'd clearly be in the wrong. It's simply unrealistic to expect someone to sit down at a concert and refrain from tweeting. INHUMANE, I tell you.


I would sue his glam-rock ass.




I would jump up on stage, grab the mike and call for you to lay some SPANK-DOWN on him.
Hey, how about some eye candy?



Source: splashnewsonline.com


She loves her boobs which is good because no one else does. #selfloveisagoodthing




Yeah but what is she trying to do in that picture? I can't tell if she's trying to blow a kiss or if she just has gas and is asking the PopRocksy to step back a little so she can let one go.



Every time she opens her mouth, hot air comes out.




Speaking of WTF moments... here's ours for the day:




Source: pictureisunrelated.com


Have you EVER seen a site like this before?



I had a duck once in Brooklyn. He died in my bathtub. #truestory




That's tragic. When I was a child we used to stick bread through the chain link fence in our backyard and as soon as a baby duck would reach out to eat it, we'd grab them through. It turns out baby ducks don't do well on their own without their duck mamas. No matter how many times you try it. RIP Peeper #27.



You live, you learn. Well, THEY didn't live, but...




Yeah they didn't. Circle of Life. Moving on... but I wasn't even talking about the duck in the WTF pic. I don't find anything weird about that. I was talking about that WOMAN'S TEEF STICKING OUT. *shudder*





A double whammy WTF for ya right there, G.




Yeah, it was like a WTF double feature here on The Spank and Ginger Show!





The Spank and Ginger Show, serving duck soup with chicklets! And for dessert? This parting thought:



Do they re-use body bags? Or do they throw them away and get new ones? The people using them wouldn’t care anyway?

-goodquotes.com


5 comments:

  1. SPANK!! I had a duck that died in my bathtub too, but in Cali not Brooklyn #truestory #duckdeathhug #waitthatwascreepy

    And is Adam Lambert trying to become a woman, because that's some fine make-up and he looked hotter than miss boobie fart. #justsayin

    I like it when the pocket people get mad at you for throwing them. I think you need a Jerry Springer moment when they can confront you for your pocket people terrorizing ways. In fact, I'm going to start a socially aware movement to stand up for pocket people everywhere - damnit they're "people" too!

    ReplyDelete
  2. @Heather

    I cant stop laughing....YEA to Pocket People's Rights!!

    Heidi needs to go away. #thanks #thatisall

    Chynna Phillips? To her and her sister: You lived in obscurity for so long..I'm really not sure why you feel the need to bombard us with yourselves NOW that your family has squandered the $$ form before? Tell-all memoirs are really only interesting when they relate to people and things we care about.

    Adam Lambert needs a hobby. Preferably one that doesnt involve him trying his darndest to shock the unshockable. We get it dude; you're gay. Good for you. I have quite a few gay male friends that dont need to throw hissy fits when they feel they're being slighted by an anonymous face in the crowd. Think about it like this..if you were half as interesting as you seem to think you are; I'm not sure that person would have felt the need to be talking on the phone. Work on your act dude...you're clearly not captivating enough. #wearlesseyeliner

    I carried ducks to the bathtub 2 christmases ago. #truestory.
    Had to dodge Emu's along the way. #alsotrue
    through 2 feet of snow because their feet were frozen. #truth

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think I love the comments more than the post! I am DYING about the Pocket People movement! I am sure Little Edward will lead the charge -- he is quite put out with me for my use of him as a weapon. Notice, however that Pocket Jasper has NEVER been thrown. #irespectthehottie

    We all have duck stories. This is... um... yeah. #movingon

    Who is Adam Lambert? #runnerup *snickers*

    Love you guys, and you lurkers too. In the style of my dear friend, Rain *smooches*

    ReplyDelete
  4. am i a lurker if i come OUT and say who i am?

    seeeee, you can do it ADAM. go ahead let it out man let it out.

    @deep
    are you failing to tell me something here? ducks?

    and who the hell is chynna? #just sayin

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm so glad none of you were seriously upset at all the duck mishaps in my name. In honor of stealing so many baby ducks that ultimately died, I refuse to eat duck ever again. That and I don't like the taste of duck.

    ReplyDelete